I didn't really notice him when I saw him for the first time. Neither the second or third, probably. He was just a ferrier helper like many others, that sometimes worked in my working place, the post-partum stable, where I always was. I can't precise when I noticed him for the first time, but when I did, of course I was too shy to say something. A few time later, I just remember to timidly mention him to a friend of mine, a girl that worked with us and that had a closer relationship with his friends: "M?! Do you like him?! He is really good! You should talk to him! Or we could go for dinner all together!". I just smiled and thought it would never happen. A few days later, she said: "I've got bad news. He will go one month to his country, he will be operated". And so it was. But still this boy was gaining space in my thoughts. And so (with some help of the social networks) we started to talk.
What happened next followed such beautiful and incredible sequence of events that I cannot explain. When he was back in Germany, he just showed up with his friends in a party he knew I was. I could not believe when I saw him there. He just pulled me to dance. I am a terrible dancer. And I was so shy that I could not even look at him. Just one kiss and good bye. After this night we timidly started to talk and share things about ourselves. To know each other. I let him in. I don't know why I did it, but I let him in. In such a way that I never thought I could. I started to feel the butterflies when I saw him and he too. When we were working together in the post-partum stable, we were always trying to sneak out, even just for a few seconds, to steal a kiss or look at each other. We looked like two teenagers. I was always laughing, my mind was far away, I felt like I was 15 again. I felt happy. He had a lot of time, used to finish his job at a normal hour and had almost every weekend free. On the other hand, I was already happy if I finished before 22h. We had so few time to be together. And still we used it all. And well. We enjoyed every moment, thanks to a lot of effort of my part and his part. And the car that my colleague lended me. Every moment we could meet and see each other was special. The time would stop and nothing else would matter. It was hard to find the time and energy to be together but it worthed every minute. Every kiss stolen in Gang 7, before he went home.
He was in love. He said he loved me a lot of times. In my language, in his language. His friends said that they have never seen him like this. He really liked me, I know that. He was so kind and good to me. He cared a lot. As things went on, we evolved to another levels. Good levels. Once again, I don't know how and why but I just let him in. This changed my life forever. And he has no idea. He has no idea how he changed my life. He has no idea that he was the first person I let in, in a long long time. No, I never told him that. I always had problems to let someone in. Too much. He has no idea how much he changed my life and how much I learnt about myself in this relationship, with him. He never realized how important this was for me. I discovered so much. About myself, about feelings, about honesty and communication.
And I was always honest with him. I always said that, once my job was done, I would leave that place. And probably we would not see each other again. So we enjoyed our time together the best we could. In the lake, in his house, in my house, in the bedroom. With friends, with movies, with pizza dinners, with surprises, with the guitar. The communication was the biggest problem for me. We had a big problem with communication because the only language we could speak in common, is the language that we speak the worst, both of us. And sometimes it was really hard. In the begining it was not a big problem but after a certain time it started to be hard for me, not being able to express myself as I wanted and to be understood. And understand him too. And it was a bit frustrating sometimes for both of us. Because communication is the base of any good relationship. But we could manage somehow.
Goodbyes are never easy. When I left, it wasn't any different. I left without any promises of return, meetings or commitement. A long distance relationship is not something that I want or i'm willing to, that's the truth. And neither he is, I think. Besides, I had absolutely no plans for myself. I didn't know when and where I would have my next job. How much time I would be in Portugal. The last kiss and I was gone. He said he would save money and come for me in Portugal. When I came back to Portugal he went also to his country on vacation, for two weeks. Since then we text each other everyday. For some news, pictures and say how we miss each other. But soon we realized that by keep going like this, without perspective of a meeting or a future reunion, we were just
delaying the inevitable.
Two days ago I finished our relationship. We both agreeded that there's no point to keep going like this. We will not meet again. I won't go back to the same place (and I really reconsidered it) and he will not come to me. I don't even know where I will go. But he has his job, his friends, his life. I could never ask him to do such a thing. Besides, I don't love him. I never did. I like him very much, he was really special and important to me. He will be always in my heart and I will never forget him. Those days in Germany will be always in my heart. He made me very happy. I care about him so much. I want him to be so, so happy. Tears are rolling down my face right now. But I don't love him. The communication (or lack of it) was a very big problem for me. And we were different in many things. Our worlds, our cultures were just too different. In the deep of my heart i've always known that he was not the person with whom I want to build my life. And still that conversation wasn't any easier. Actually it was much harder than I thought. I thought I would feel relieved, but I felt very sad instead. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, if I shouldn't go back to Germany and give it a try. But in the deep of my heart, I know I did what's right. For both of us. And i'm happy it ended well, we both talked and agreeded. And we still keep in touch and write a little bit to each other. Maybe our ways will cross again. I want nothing but good for him. All the luck and happiness in life. And i'm sure he will make someone very happy.
Budeš navždy v mém srdci !
I didn't really notice him when I saw him for the first time. Neither the second or third, probably. He was just a ferrier helper like many others, that sometimes worked in my working place, the post-partum stable, where I always was. I can't precise when I noticed him for the first time, but when I did, of course I was too shy to say something. A few time later, I just remember to timidly mention him to a friend of mine, a girl that worked with us and that had a closer relationship with his friends: "M?! Do you like him?! He is really good! You should talk to him! Or we could go for dinner all together!". I just smiled and thought it would never happen. A few days later, she said: "I've got bad news. He will go one month to his country, he will be operated". And so it was. But still this boy was gaining space in my thoughts. And so (with some help of the social networks) we started to talk. 
He was in love. He said he loved me a lot of times. In my language, in his language. His friends said that they have never seen him like this. He really liked me, I know that. He was so kind and good to me. He cared a lot. As things went on, we evolved to another levels. Good levels. Once again, I don't know how and why but I just let him in. This changed my life forever. And he has no idea. He has no idea how he changed my life. He has no idea that he was the first person I let in, in a long long time. No, I never told him that. I always had problems to let someone in. Too much. He has no idea how much he changed my life and how much I learnt about myself in this relationship, with him. He never realized how important this was for me. I discovered so much. About myself, about feelings, about honesty and communication. 
And I was always honest with him. I always said that, once my job was done, I would leave that place. And probably we would not see each other again. So we enjoyed our time together the best we could. In the lake, in his house, in my house, in the bedroom. With friends, with movies, with pizza dinners, with surprises, with the guitar. The communication was the biggest problem for me. We had a big problem with communication because the only language we could speak in common, is the language that we speak the worst, both of us. And sometimes it was really hard. In the begining it was not a big problem but after a certain time it started to be hard for me, not being able to express myself as I wanted and to be understood. And understand him too. And it was a bit frustrating sometimes for both of us. Because communication is the base of any good relationship. But we could manage somehow. 
Goodbyes are never easy. When I left, it wasn't any different. I left without any promises of return, meetings or commitement. A long distance relationship is not something that I want or i'm willing to, that's the truth. And neither he is, I think. Besides, I had absolutely no plans for myself. I didn't know when and where I would have my next job. How much time I would be in Portugal. The last kiss and I was gone. He said he would save money and come for me in Portugal. When I came back to Portugal he went also to his country on vacation, for two weeks. Since then we text each other everyday. For some news, pictures and say how we miss each other. But soon we realized that by keep going like this, without perspective of a meeting or a future reunion, we were just delaying the inevitable. 
6 months ago I left my country once more to start working in a new place. This time I got a job in a studfarm in the northern Germany. It's one of the most famous studfarms in the world and also one of the biggest. And this would be my second job. When I left, in the begining of February, my heart was tight with the nervousism of saying goodbye again and hoping this would be a better experience than my previous job, but also some excitement for the new experience. Experience that brought me some of the best and worst things of my life. 
Professionaly it was very good, I can say that I learnt a lot and I gained some good experience. Since I arrived I worked in the post-partum stable, which means that me and my colleagues were responsible for the management of the mares who had just foaled. It was a hardworking task, specially in the peak of the season when we had more than 80 mares a day sometimes. But, together, we did it. We had good days and bad days. Sometimes we had fun, sometimes we had fights. A good friendship teared apart. But we all gave our best. And I loved my job. 
