Maggie died on the 23rd of September, the day of her 14th birthday. That was the day before I came back to Germany. She had cancer, a very agressive tumor on her mouth. It grew up incrediblely fast, we still did a session of chemotherapy but unfortunately it didn't really work and as a vet, I knew it was a fight we could not win. It was just faster than we expected. But of course, we never expect this and we are never prepared, although we think we are. As an owner, the only thing I could wish for the pet that was with me the last 14 years and came home when she was a 2 month old puppy, is to make her happy and without suffering during the time she has left. And we did.
It was one of the most dificult decisions of my life. I don't know if I was the owner, or the vet. Or both. We are never prepared. Doesn't matter what we are told, we are never prepared. I decided I didin't want to take her to a vet and do it there. My mother also didn't want to do it at home. So, when the day came, we went to the beach. She loves beach and me too. A vet friend came with me and we took Maggie for a last walk. And she was happy. She walked cheerfuly behind me, smelling the sand. We walked a bit, it was a beautiful day, a bit windy but not a lot of people on the beach. I sat down staring at the sea and she came next to me. I don't know if she ever realized what was going to happen. I huged her some time and then my friend did the rest. And she died in my arms. The tears didn't stop rolling down. The pain doesn't go away. I know that's normal, that's life, she lived for 14 years, we know that pets live quite shorter than us and she was very sick. It's never easy. But she is free now. She will not suffer. She had an end with dignity and she was happy. I could see in her eyes that she was happy. There is no bigger pain for an owner. I just want to believe that I did the best for her. That she had a happy life. Because she was so special (I know that every owner thinks that about their dogs, but she really was) and I will never find a dog like her ever again. Thanks to my vet friend, who was so amazing and helped me so much with and going through this. And I know, sooner or later, we will meet again, little Maggie. And you can steal my dirty socks again.
Praia Grande, Sintra 23.09.2017
